Article from our client
4.06.19
If you read the popular articles on psychology and serious research, it seems that the most important thing in human communication is empathy. Sympathy, empathy, understanding of another. Very often they propose to pronounce everything that a person feels, especially in raising a child.
And here, when I read how to pronounce the feelings with the child, I suddenly stumble over the text. The set of words with which to describe feelings is so meager that not only the frustration of a child who has the first big upset in life can be described as displeasure with the unsuccessful purchase of bread.
I see that you are upset, you feel hurt, you feel bad – usually the whole description of feelings comes down to about 4-5 synonyms, and that’s it. The whole range of feelings that causes headaches, tears, the desire to destroy everything around or nausea is expressed in a few cliches.
And how are parents offered to describe their condition? Mom was upset, mom was upset, mom got angry.
And my mother has black-red circles before her eyes, a semi-insane state, and there is no talk of any disappointment. Mom is angry, mom is angry, mom is angry, like an Amur tiger …
Or maybe you have come across how a person who has lost control of himself – an adult or a child – shouts: I hate you! Yes, I’m ready to kill you !. Horror, especially if it screams mom or father to the child and vice versa.
Does he hate? Thank God, almost always – no. And why, then, such screams?
Why are these emotions expressed in this way?
It’s simple: not enough words. Adults, trying to describe their thoughts, stumble and pick words.
Or in despair they say: I don’t know how to explain to you … I can’t find the words that I need. And the finest matter – human relations – fits into the Procrustean bed of the castrated synonymic series.
Psychologists talk about the increasingly widespread phenomenon of alexithymia, when a person finds it difficult to determine and describe his own emotions and the emotions of others.
But sometimes you can say: Yes, Dad is not just angry. He was angry, because in our family it is not customary to lie.
Not just telling a lie – a euphemism worthy of a kindergarten, but a designation of sin in front of others and your soul. Not just angry, but crossed the line beyond which there is room for tough measures. Anger is a powerful emotion, and everyone has experienced it at least once in life.
So why reduce, if you can survive, verbalize and close the gestalt?
- Something is bad for me.
A sympathetic interlocutor in trying to understand another begins to try: what, and how? Why bad? Despair come down?
Disappointment? Hands down? No strength?
Take out all your soul until you get an answer — or maybe not.
Have you noticed how often and inappropriately they use a frightening medical diagnosis? The weather should be spoiled, as it is already heard from all sides: Oh, I have depression … God forbid!
Remember how you call a ship, so he sails? We do not need to predict how our word will respond … In the beginning was the Word. And the word.
So, maybe not yet depression, but I feel depressed? Tosca gnaws? Is this weather depressing?
Just not in the mood?
Have you noticed that for word professionals — journalists, copywriters, bloggers — an infinite number of online synonymizers have appeared? Of course, a useful thing, but will it help us to express our feelings more accurately, more clearly, more specifically, more correctly?
Fair? Not really.
To understand the difference in shades of meaning, the word must be felt and experienced in context.
And where to get these contexts?
The resource is known. When the question arises, why read or teach poetry, the answer lies on the surface – in poetry such subtle nuances of the emotional side of human life are expressed that, perhaps, the classics of psychology will envy.
Therefore, it is so important to read poems for yourself and for children.
But, of course, not only read poetry. If the goal is to more accurately and correctly express our feelings, thoughts, emotions, then we need to work on this every day and every hour. Instead of some careless nonsense, find a less offensive and more precise ill-conceived or heresy with humor.
Instead of being universally used and (purely in my personal, dangerous look) it infuriates me to say annoying, infuriating, nerve-wracking, depressing.
It happens in a different way. When delight is breathtaking, and suddenly commenting: That’s cool!
Cool, right? Maybe try a little different? Uniquely.
Amazing. Amazing Wonderful.
Fabulous. Wonderful evening. How you have pleased us!
Thanks to you so good at heart!